I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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