Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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