I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
