i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
