My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
