Screwed.edu
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
