saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
