Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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