So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
