they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
