In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
