Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
