i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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