my shit smells like andre
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
