He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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