I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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