i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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