'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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