Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
