I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
