I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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