Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize