we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
