I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
