i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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