My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
