Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
