I want to make a zoo with you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you never un-have a 4some
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
