we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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