summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
