I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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