please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
