dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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