so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
