batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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