really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
