i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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