SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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