ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just invented taco cereal.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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