used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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