were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
