What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
