so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
