I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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