u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
