My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
