Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
