if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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