omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
