So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize