I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
