Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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