My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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