Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
