I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
