Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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