HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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