pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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