my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
