He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
