Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
