She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
