Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
