Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
