dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
