if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
