Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
